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A Family Giving Strategy: Finding a Focus for 20+ Years of Giving

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The wonderful thing about living 15 minutes outside of Washington, DC is the chance to interact regularly with people who serve our country. The hard things are the traffic and the divisive political conversations that trickle into cocktail parties and daily business.

I have been fortunate to get to know Senators, Members of Congress, Mayors, City Council and County Board members through my daily proximity to DC. All come to their service with different backgrounds. I have come to see that those who have worked in business, particularly those who have run their own businesses, as the hardest working and most balanced politicians.

The opportunity to support one of these families with their grant strategy came after years of my steady engagement with local organizations. The family held a 20 year old family foundation and was ready to refocus and bring their children into the family giving strategy.

Politicians and their spouses are asked, and feel compelled, to contribute to organizations across a wide range of issue areas. This family was no exception. With hundreds of small grants each year and interests running the gamut, they were unclear what their impact was or what kind of meaningful difference they were making.

It was hard to track cumulative investment over time, and just as hard to see whether the giving matched their values.

Turning Frustration into Focus

In a nutshell: they were frustrated. All their funding, and the hard work behind having that funding, didn’t add up to something that made sense to them.

And they wanted to engage their children but weren’t sure how to talk with them about the work they had done for 20+ years.

Their office handed me a spreadsheet with the 20+ years of grants. Multiple tabs, detailed organization information, amounts from $250 to $25,000, and hundreds of organizations. For this data fiend, it was a dream. I have never met a spreadsheet I didn’t like.

Taking unconnected data and making sense of it has been one of my favorite things to do since my days as a major gifts officer at Davidson College. Trends and threads and connections are always there. You just have to know where to start.

What emerged was remarkable. Out of the massive spreadsheet came focus.

Our Process

  1. Ran categories on each grant so we could aggregate across focus areas. Seven focus areas emerged.
  2. Generated numbers on earlier giving, the full portfolio, and the most recent five years.
  3. Compared recent giving in those seven areas against the first fifteen years.
  4. Narrowed to five categories after identifying two areas that had been steadily declining and no longer reflected the family’s current priorities, even though they reflected the foundation’s history and evolution.
  5. Identified one core focus area that represented 37% of all giving, with increased focus, and two areas that were steadily growing in recent years.
  6. Categorized grants as local, regional, national, and international, reflecting both their community roots and their civic engagement across the country.

The Structure and the Strategy

Once the grants were categorized, it became clear where their values lived. This guided me towards the questions I needed to ask to shape a structure and a family giving strategy. Here is what we did:

  • Interviewed all 5 family members about their values, interests, and time available to participate.
  • Developed a giving structure that preserved the parents’ focus areas while allocating specific funds for each child to direct toward their own interests.
  • Planned quarterly gatherings and giving cycles aligned with fiscal year timing, such as year-end campaigns and educational institution mid-year deadlines, so the family could give more thoughtfully and intentionally instead of reactively, as they had in the past.

So, what did all this accomplish?

  • A happy family who feels good about their grantmaking focus and can track the impact of their giving, past and future.
  • A structure that makes room for real discussion, focus, and research, while staying flexible enough to meet nonprofit timing and respond to need.
  • A system that reflects consensus on family values while honoring individual and next generation interests.
  • A stronger family connection that grows alongside the children, deepening their relationships with the communities they serve and their understanding of what each grant means.
  • An opportunity to serve their community in a stronger and more focused way with better understanding of their impact.
Vintage black and white sketch of an octopus

Comfort or Courage? Remaking the Complex World of Philanthropy

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The first thing that caught my eye in my latest Harvard Business Review magazine were the beautiful plate drawings of octopi. Surprising, right? What could possibly be the connection between an octopus and business—and for me, between an octopus and philanthropy?​

I haven’t read Remarkably Bright Creatures yet, but when my kids were little, we loved the cartoon Oswald—an adventurous octopus who encouraged curiosity. I’ve been fascinated by this adaptable, intelligent creature for years.

Vintage black and white sketch of an octopus

“Become an Octopus Organization: How Your Company Can Adapt to a Complex World,” uses the octopus as a metaphor for organizations that thrive in complex environments –constantly sensing change and adjusting in real time. That idea of awareness—of ourselves and the impact of our actions—landed with me in a very personal way.​

While the pictures drew me in, the content made me pause and reflect on my leadership as an entrepreneur, disruptor, fundraiser, grantmaker, and board member. This led me to thinking about the roles I play at every intersection of my life. Reading this on a snowy MLK weekend made me ask: How do I show up with my kids? With my friends and colleagues? With extended family? With grantees and community partners?​

Am I an “Octopus” or a “Tin Man?”

The authors describe Tin Man organizations as “rigid, optimized for mass production, adherence to process, and top‑down planning.”  That model worked in a simpler world but fails to fit today’s complex, interconnected nonprofit landscape. A Tin Man, like the character, struggles in complex environments, has trouble adapting, and avoids risks by limiting exposure and holding onto tight boundaries. As a leader and consultant,  I often relied on strict processes and solo decision making to get my work done—but I now see how easily that approach slips into “Tin Man” mode.​

My “customers”—the nonprofit and community partners I have supported through grantmaking and board leadership—depended on my curiosity, relationships, and openness to learning.

Avoiding risk often meant avoiding the very issues communities were facing. It was actually less risky to engage, support, and participate, because that allowed me to see the real impact of our funding.​

Looking Back

Looking back, I see my “Tin Man” habits stemmed partly from the family foundation’s antiquated governance structure. At the beginning of my tenure, that was the guide that defined my success.

That structure suited a more top-down era focused on control and predictability, not today’s complex world where small actions and changes ripple unpredictably through communities. Even as I adapted the model, there were boundaries it was unacceptable to push.​ 

I am not alone in this; many new family foundation executive directors struggle to move beyond outdated models and adapt.​

Looking Ahead: Innovation, Adaptability, and Curiosity

In philanthropy, having the ability – and permission – to ask bold questions, innovate, and redefine risk is essential for genuine progress. The authors describe such habits as “antipatterns”—routines that hinder ownership, blur clarity, and stifle curiosity. I didn’t have that language at the time, but I certainly felt the effects.​

Eventually, I realized that the processes built decades ago no longer serve the complex world in which we live. This is where the amazing octopus enters.

“Octopus Organizations”, as the article describes, tap the intelligence of the world around them, distribute decision-making, and learn and shift course at speed to navigate uncertainty. As a grantmaker, that translates directly into how we listen to communities, share power, and let the people closest to the work own the solutions.​

Who are philanthropy’s customers?

This raises a vital question in family philanthropy: are our true customers our fellow family members–or the communities and nonprofits we serve? The article challenges leaders to obsess over whether their choices create more value for their “customers,” and, in philanthropy, that lens would push us outside of the boardroom and into the community.​

Family involvement in foundations is important but ignoring better ways to serve communities means choosing Tin Man comfort over Octopus courage. The article urges organizations to “rewrite their DNA”—changing not only processes but the underlying rules and mental models, shifting from command-and-control to agency and trust.

We can keep focusing inward and granting transactionally, or choose to tackle root causes and system inequities for deeper impact. Foundations – and even individual funders- can absolutely do this work, but only if we are willing to look beyond our own reflection.​

Remaking the Mindset: Evolving, Progressing and Learning because the System Needs Us

As an entrepreneur and a leader I choose to keep evolving and learning, until homelessness, poverty, illiteracy, youth mental health….etc. are truly addressed. And I hope to inspire other funders to do the same. As octopus leaders we can be “system architects” whose primary job is to work on the system, not in it, removing friction, clarifying purpose, and creating conditions where others can excel.  

That vision defines my role in philanthropy designing adaptable blueprints that funders can use to guide their questions, funding decisions and, importantly, impact while evolving with community wisdom.

Holding Ourselves Accountable

Funders rarely have pressure to change, and in a complex world we seek is difficult to measure or see clearly. Years of nonprofit fundraising and grantmaking work have taught me this: flexible and consistent funding and advocacy create real impact. Once you see that impact, there’s no return to the alternative.

Like an octopus sensing its surroundings, the answers to the complex challenges in our communities are in reach should we choose to ask different questions, step out with courage, and do our part to act and problem solve differently. In short, take ownership of the impact of our philanthropy and consider our place within its community architecture.​

Ultimately, we each must choose which direction we head, but I cannot promise that inaction, avoidance, or risk aversion to the problems will be solved that way.  The more we can sense, and stretch like an octopus into the communities we claim to serve, the more likely we will change many of the paradigms that hold our communities back, ourselves included. I’ll hang with the octopus any day.

Allison Erdle is a Philanthropy Consultant and former Executive Director at a family foundation. She partners with foundations, individuals, and their advisors who want to be more intentional, strategic, and informed about the impact of their philanthropy, helping them rethink how their funding supports nonprofits and strengthens communities.

A pink flower shown progressing through stages of blooming stages

My Family Foundation Leadership Perspective: 5 Key Lessons Learned

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After 12 years leading a $27 million family foundation, I’m now consulting with donors and foundations to tackle what’s working—and, more importantly, what’s not—within the philanthropic ecosystem. I’ve joined a landscape crowded with well-resourced institutions like Harvard Business Review, Stanford Social Innovation Review, Grantmakers for Effective Organizations, Council on Foundations, Exponent Philanthropy, National Center for Family Philanthropy, National Committee for Responsive Philanthropy and more. Their research and tools are invaluable, but I believe my perspective augments what I lear from them: lived experience as a leader inside my own family’s foundation.

In this case, by “lived experience,” I don’t mean the grassroots proximity of those directly impacted by philanthropy’s decisions. I mean the reality of running a foundation from the inside: navigating family politics, entrenched traditions, resistance to change, and the slow, uphill climb of aligning practice with best standards.

Too many family foundations operate in insular patterns—hiring from within, resisting outside input, holding tight to “the way things have always been done.” But when I stepped into leadership, I pushed to align our work with external best practices. What I learned is that steering a family foundation toward meaningful change is like walking uphill through mud in weighted shoes: possible, but slow, draining, and full of obstacles.

Still, even in the frustration, progress emerged. And after reflecting on my tenure, I’ve distilled five lessons that I now carry forward into my work with other donors and foundations.

5 Lessons from Leading a Family Foundation

1. Change is Slow, But Progress Counts
Family foundations often fear or resist transformation, especially when traditions run deep. Change rarely comes in leaps—it’s incremental. Celebrating small steps forward helps sustain momentum and reminds us that progress is possible.

2. Clarity in Decision-Making is Essential
Foundations can stall when roles and authority aren’t clear. Establishing frameworks around who decides what—and when discussion is more useful than a formal vote—creates consistency and reduces conflict.

3. Always Ask: Where Are We, and Where Are We Going?
Too often, boards dive into day-to-day tasks without stepping back. Asking these two simple questions at least once a year can ground discussions in shared purpose and reveal blind spots in governance, grantmaking, and mission alignment.

4. It’s Not About Us—It’s About the Communities We Serve
Many donors view foundation assets as “family money” to control. But philanthropy’s power lies in shifting focus outward—to the people and organizations working on the frontlines. Trusting nonprofit expertise and staying proximate to their realities creates far greater impact.

5. Focus. Trust. Impact.
When family foundations try to fund everything, they spread resources and attention too thin. Focused priorities build trust—among board members, with grantees, and with communities. And trust is what ultimately drives measurable impact.

Moving Forward

Family foundations serve dual purposes: preserving family connection and supporting public good. But too often, the “togetherness” function overshadows real impact. What if both could thrive? By grounding operations in strong decision-making, focus, community trust, and accountability, family philanthropy can move from “doing good” to doing better.

The philanthropic ecosystem is far from efficient. Yet family foundations, and individual donors, hold enormous potential if they’re willing to look inward—with honesty, humility, and a commitment to evolve. That’s the practice I’m committed to supporting.

photo of puzzle

5 Key Lessons from my Nonprofit and Fundraising Experience

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photo of puzzleAlthough I have been working deeply in the foundation industry and field of philanthropy for the last 13 years, I have been a fundraiser, in some form, since the moment I stepped out of college. My father shared his love of his service on boards, leading fundraising campaigns, and his strong roots in local faith based outreach.

Service and giving back are deeply instilled in my upbringing.

My first roles in “development” were all but traditional.

As a program manager in one not-for-profit position, I played a customer service role. In another I served as public relations manager. It wasn’t until after I went to business school that I had my first REAL job in Development, helping run a $250 million capital campaign for Davidson College.

The lessons learned from my informal education in fundraising and building relationships, partnered with my formal development practices led me to look a bit differently at my work.

Here are a few lessons learned that tell you more about my approach when working with a non profit organization or fundraising team.

5 Key Lessons from My Nonprofit and Fundraising Experience

    1. Development Is Mission-Driven and Community-Focused
      Development isn’t just about raising money—it’s about deeply knowing your programs, your community, and your audience. I’ve learned that you can’t just talk to donors; you have to bring your mission to them. Aligning every decision with your core purpose keeps your work authentic and impactful.

    2. Build Relationships & Tell Stories
      I get restless sitting still, so I make a point to connect with colleagues across the organizations in which I work. At the Hospital for Special Surgery, I was the first from my office to regularly meet with doctors, asking about their expertise and passion for healing. Building these relationships helped me tell powerful stories to publications like the New York Post and Women’s Health These stories brought in knowledgeable patients to the doctors and resulted in more donors to us.

    3. Ask Authentic Questions of Donors
      One of my favorite roles was with an international organization. I spent time understanding each program’s needs by speaking with program directors, then traveled to Miami and Bolivia to hold meetings in Spanish with corporate partners who were our funders. By sitting down face-to-face, I quickly learned that their real interests often differed from what was in their glossy brochures. By aligning our programs with their true challenges, we secured larger and longer-term donations.

    4. Connect the Dots and See the Bigger Picture
      Even as a funder or consultant, I always look beyond the immediate issue to see the broader landscape. Stepping back helps me spot gaps or opportunities. This big-picture perspective is what I do best.  I put myself in the donor or community’s shoes and offer fresh insights – and then dial us into a plan that helps organizations (and funders) achieve their goals.

    5. Invest in Long-Term, Meaningful Partnerships
      Time is a precious resource. I urge both donors and fundraisers to build deep, ongoing relationships. Creating a new program to match a donor’s interests should be a long-term partnership, not a quick fix. Nearly half of a nonprofit’s time can be spent on fundraising and donor management, so it’s critical to build a two-way street where the organization’s expertise and the donor’s desire for impact are both respected.

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